dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
