Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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