Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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