My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize