On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize