Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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