So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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