Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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