How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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