my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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