I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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