Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
