My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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