covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry about my life...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
