I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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