Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
