I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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