please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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