I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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