That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
