Jerry, you need to find god
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
