Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
