Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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