We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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