Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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