how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
