I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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