Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
