So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
