So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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