so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
