He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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