I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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