i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
