i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
