I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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