so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
