I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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