Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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