how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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