i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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