jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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