There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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