I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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