dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
