blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
