Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
