i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
