Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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