No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
