he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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