fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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