hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
