they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
