One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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