i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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