True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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