dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
