just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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