Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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