I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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