News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
