He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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